~ The Rules of Romance

Romance is sort of like a wonderful way in which people can balance each other.  This can come about in a lot of different ways that are probably already occurring in your relationship.  You simply don’t know how to see it yet.  Think about what has changed about your since you married your spouse.  You can probably say that quite a bit has changed.  Now think about how much hasn’t changed since you got married.  You can probably say that quite a bit hasn’t changed as well.  Your spouse, your love and your romance offer the opportunity to balance your relationship beautifully.

You may feel threatened in some way when you think about surrendering completely to your love for your spouse.  Remember that you can always lose yourself in that love without risking losing your individuality.  You can also allow yourself and even embrace change without losing what it is about you that makes you unique.  Compromise is always possible without having to compromise who you are.  Growth is always possible and it never has to mean growing apart.  You and your spouse are capable of having disagreements without arguments.  You can allow yourself to experience emotion and feelings without losing control of yourself. 

Trust is essential in any relationship- especially a marriage.  You can give in to your partner without the fear of losing anything.  You can open up to him or her without the fear of being judged.  It is possible to keep the passion alive in your marriage for the duration of your lifetime, you can remain a responsible adult while indulging in your inner child and the only time you are truly known is in your intimate, long-term relationship- your marriage.

Your lover cannot know who you truly are unless you open up your heart completely.  You cannot be a participant in a loving relationship without being vulnerable.  Being intimate always comes with a risk even if you are with your spouse and you must be willing to face that risk.

Both you and your spouse need to make sure that you create a supportive environment or else you will never be able to share your feelings freely with each other.  Spontaneity and control don’t work well together.  In fact, they can’t work together at all.  If control is an issue for either you and/or your spouse, it needs to be addressed.  You will never be able to be interdependent with your spouse unless you are first able to be independent on your own.  Dependence is a harmful thing in any relationship and it must be changed into a healthy dependence.

Both spouses need to be open to the fact that neither of you can grow without learning from your mistakes.  Once you learn how to forgive yourself, you can learn how to forgive others and grudges cannot be held.  Broken hearts will not heal unless that heart is put at risk again.

The point of romance is to grow together in love and intimacy.  Love and intimacy can mean a number of different things to different people and all of them are essential to a healthy relationship.  Live together, learn together, grow together and love together.