Have a Love Affair with Your Spouse

Mort Katz once said that “Love is its own aphrodisiac and is the main ingredient for lasting sex.”  If you’ve got love and you’re working on the romance, your own incredible love affair with your spouse is just waiting to break free!  Do you know what turns your partner on?  Are you aware of his or her most intimate, secret fantasies?  Most people make assumptions about what their spouse likes based on external factors like what partners in previous relationships liked or what the latest magazine article claims to work.  Everyone likes something different and in the bedroom is no exception.  Now is the time to learn about your spouse, what you both want in the bedroom and what works for both of you as a couple.

Visit some of the most popular lingerie stores in your area together or browse web sites like Victoria's Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood.  You can even request catalogs to be delivered to your home so that you can ‘shop’ together at your leisure.  Have him mark off what he finds exciting and arousing.  Have her mark off what she finds exciting and arousing.  Both should go through the catalog or shop together and make note of what they both agree on.  Then both spouses should put all of their preconceived ideas and judgements aside as they explore possibilities with and for each other.  To begin with, wives should try something incredibly simple yet incredibly sexy like laying on a bed of black sheets while wearing white lingerie or the other way around.  That is a wonderful starting point and safe way to open up about what you both enjoy in the bedroom.

Look into what is considered to be an aphrodisiac and try some things out together.  An aphrodisiac is anything like a smell, drug, food, drink or even flower that some say increase or stimulates sexual desire.  While scientific evidence to back the actual effectiveness of aphrodisiacs is lacking, some couples find excitement simply in trying new things.  Some of the most common things people claim to have an aphrodisiac affect include hot, sweat producing spices, oysters, wasabi, caviar reinforced by vodka, ginseng, yohimbe and the scents of musk, patchouli and vanilla.  Two flowers that are thought to be related to sex enhancement are the Hibiscus and Cala Lilies.

If you and your spouse have a difficult time sitting down and telling each other about your sexual fantasies, try making a game out of it.  Get a large, empty jar and fill it with 25 of your most intimate sexual fantasies.  You can make them anything that has to with your fulfillment, your spouse’s fulfillment or both of your fulfillment.  Again, setting all inhibitions and judgements aside, you both get to pick a single fantasy each week that should be fulfilled as a couple.  It is up to both of you if you feel the need to set particular rules and/or boundaries.  Of course, the game can always change as you both grow more comfortable with each other and learn how much fun and fulfilling being intimate with your own spouse can be.